Yet again the girl and the husband set out to destroy my life.  For the two legged walking things i guess the weather is just too hot...too humid...and they always need to complain about how hot it is...and how humid it is.  They just dont understand that im always acclimated to the present weather conditions. 

 

So they wouldnt complain any more they ran out and bought this big huge gigantic noisy air cooling thing thats just INCREDIBLY annoying.  They put it in their bedroom.  Well this thing throws me through a loop and basically throws a wrench in my life.  I try to go in there to hang out...sleep, but i cant with this THING causing so many problems.  I dont even really go in there any more.  Instead i will stay elsewhere where the climate is more temparate and tropical.  I can hang out with the fish, and stare at my artwork that K got me last Christmas.  At that point my happyness level rises as i stare at that painting...much like in The Sims.  So im able to chill out and relax and basically pass out like im drunk on the nice hardwood floors while i stare at the ceiling and ponder life.  All because the girl and the husband ruin certain areas of the house.

 

Jealous points...The Twins cat is staying with grandmar right now.  Next time i see her shes going to hear it from me.  I feel like im being cheated on.  This just isnt right...

Welll...insurance, paperwork, and repairs seem to be going along smoothely for the girl and husband.  So i dont need to act as an emotional crutch for these people anymore.  Hey life has gotta move on, until it doesnt and its game over.  But hey...my game still has a LONG way to go.  Let me back track to Satuday.

 

Early that morning the girl was acting like she knew how to clean up around the house.  shes all running back and forth between the kitchen and the hall closet.  and that hall closet is like pergatory.  it has the beloved fancy feast, a bunch of miscellaneous garbage, and then theres the vaacuum.  boy when the girl and husband go into that closet its like theyre shaking my hand and punching me in the face at the same time.  but regardless that closet rocks!  even with the evil vaccuum.  so the girl as i said is pretending to clean.  so i went in there to hang out for a while.   I mean she left the door open for me.  obviously she wanted me to go in there. 

 

but then after a minute its just like...what in the world is going on?  the girl put the vaacuum in the closet and literally just slammed the door right in my face.   i thought she was just joking around and would open the door right away...ya know just joking around.  but no this was all malice and sinister.  it felt like i was in there for days...just trapped.  i had to start building a device to open the fancy feast, along with a new living quarters in there.  finally im just like the hell with this and i just started meowing like crazy!  basically saying get me the hell out of here.  she tried to appologize with some treats, but that doesnt give me my past back. 

 

oh this situation requires some revenge.  phase one is to start hiding.  hiding in all the dark corners, and attack when the girl gets close.  i hide behind the dining room table, behind the bed...the couch.  oh and it scares the living daylights out of her!  Shes always caught off guard by it too.  Last night i jumped on the bed and landed right by her ear.  Oh i know it gets to her.  and all of this is well deserved.  heh.

 

now things will die down a little i think...and then i will launch phase two.  she will be in shock and awe!!!...

this is unfortunate...it has been over 2 months since i last told you about my latest conspiracy findings, attempted attacks, and just my overall recent coolness.  so for that i give my fullest apologies.  but hey good news is that rumor has it owning a cat is good for your blood pressure, stress level, and cholesterol.  someone should probably tell K that so he doesnt just drop dead!  But anyway...

 

So quite a bit of unfortunate news with the girl and the husband.  Late sunday afternoon i was sitting around, just waiting to be fed...and waiting...and waiting...and waiting more.  Finally after i ate my stash of chocodiles, pringles, and a Dr. Pepper the girl and the husband FINALLY get home.  I came out of hiding and the girl is just bawling.  At first i just thought "oh great what now?!"  But then i heard about the car.  Obviously some people need to pay more attention to life...like certain people in Honda Pilots.  But regardless i was still hungry so i ran into the kitchen and gave them a pretty good hint that i was starving.  To put everyone in a better mood i just acted like my typical cool self...purring, being social.  ya know how it is.  But thats me, cool and cumforting.

 

The car is in pretty bad shape...aint that a shame.  But atleast nobody got hurt.  it was one of the darkest days...

OK...so sorry i havent been around lately.  ya know cats have busy lives with lots of things to do, and sometimes i just dont have time for the human elements of life.  Besides mentally i have felt like a little chinese with thinking.  but thats no problem.  Oh besides i heard K was over in China last week...that probably had something to do with my mentality.  but rumor has it the K was going through one of the factories and their showroom and he found this item below.  look how cool it is.  Now here is what you are seeing.  What you are seeing is basically me, but made in mosaic glass.  very cool looking.  its probably 6-8 inches tall and maybe 15 inches long.  I always knew i was pretty damn cool, but i didnt know that chinese factories even knew about me and started modeling me in mosaic.  what an honor.  and thats a great job by K for recognizing it and finding it for me.  what a cool character.  i think i should try and have K get it over here to the US for me.  OK i feel more american again so my blogs should start picking up more again.  bye for now. 

 

-the kool kat with the mosaic piece eating fancy feast - Maaanster!!!  awwwwwww yeeeeeaaaaaaaa!

 

 

 

 

 

I would like to thank everyone involved with the release of this album.  Even though you know who you are, it is important you are mentioned anyway.  I need to thank my buddy K.  You are the king of song writing, and melody.  Its almost as if you weren’t there my songs wouldn’t exist.  You rock buddy…cant wait to hang out again!  My toy mouse.  You mean so much to me.  You know just when to come around to lighten up the mood.  Thanks for letting me use you as my own personal punching bag haha.  You are awesome bro!  To the armoire…so many storys.  Rest in peace man.  I will never forget you!  To the Girl,  thank you for everything.  The anger you provide makes me go into super anger writing mode with a lot of passion.  Just kidding…youre awesome girl!  The husband – youre split personalities with your liking/frustrating relationship with me is awesome.   Its awesome that we can mess around with no hard feelings.  Rock steady bro and let the good times roll!  The red dot – you inspire me.  You teach me to keep going for my goals.  One day you will be caught!  You really are a true inspiration for me.  You are the epitome of the phrase “every bad boy rocker has a soft side”  well im just waiting to hit your soft side because I will eventually break through your hard shell.  Thank you to the couch…to say you rock would be a paradox because you are so comfortably soft!  You are awesome bro keep on truckin.  To those of you not mentioned I just want to let you know youre not forgotten (well actually maybe you are).  Keep Rockin out!  - Manny

 

im getting a little curious as to what this all means.  as you all know i spy a lot on the girl and the husband so i can get intel on whats going on with life...because their decisions effect me.  well here is a conversation i picked up between the girl and K over email.  i wont post the irrelevent parts of the conversation, but the topic came up with K asking how freezing it is in NY while dallas is nice and toasty warm.  the girl mentioned that its so cold that she would "fling herself out the window" so i will pick the conversation up from there.  going through this conversation does this mean that im on my way to texas?  in a cat carrier?!?!  errrrrrrr!!!

 

K:  If you fling yourself 1500 miles you can be here hanging out…ya know where its warm

 

 

now knowing the the girl posted pics of me (including the one with the bow!) ive had too much nip to even care right now.  all i know is that i got spoiled to death with treats, a treat jar, a festive food dish, teasers and the list goes on.  the funny thing is that none of this stuff was from the girl or the husband.  this is only  what everyone else gave me.  with all of these gifts from others i figured i would get a million billion gifts from the girl and the husband.  but to my shock and surprise...what did i get?  a mat and a stupid scratching post!  this must be a joke for sure!  2 things...thats all i really got from them...2 things!

i mean what do i need a scratching post for?  if i want to scratch something i just go right for the girls bedroom nightstand.  but then i realized the real ultra cool fantastic funness and enjoyment of that oh so glorious blanket.  ohhhhhhh yeeeeeaaaaaaa...its like a psycodelic trick blanket.  it has a nice stash of nip inside it.  oh man i can hang out with this thing all day long.  actually i guess thats not really true...i get so into this stuff that after a while i just pass out...its that good!  infact, im just gonna go pass out now...yeaaaa.  ya know...the girl still owes me a lot for those photographs though.  this does not nearly make up for that humiliation.  its like ralphies pink nightmare bunny thing from a christmas story.  nobody ever forgets about that stuff.  this is just something that nobody will ever forget.  ok thats it im done and out...bye!

OK Girl where was i?  oh yeah.  at this point i am leaving the husband out of it since right now you are my primary contact for this situation.  so anyway...ive been thinking a real lot over the past few days.  now do i still feel neglected?  well the answer to that is basically yes.  i mean if i were in your position i would have just teleported back to NY, but hey...thats just me.  you made your decision.  but i learned that i can still have fun even if you dont make it back for new years. 

 

As soon as i realized you wouldnt be back i immediately got out my black book.  "ive got my black book.  its loaded with phone numbers.  potential lovers.  new worlds to discover.  you would think i really got it made now.  new rayban shades but im a heartache on parade now.  i walk around with the blues.  i need some sensible shoes."  ok i went on a little david lee roth solo career song rant.  sorry.  but i got out my black book and called up all of the coolest cats in town. 

 

man i had a blast.  and man some of these cats really know how to party.  now none like me, but hey, im hard to top.  i even had some famous cats over.  Garfield, the cat from "the simpsons", Sylvester, and that cat in Bewitched all showed up.  sylvester brought the cat from the smurfs who brought a whole lot of nip.  i kept telling sylvester they should have had some of the surfs come by.    sylvester was saying that the smurfs werent real, that they were just a cartoon, but i am no dummy and know thats not true so i wouldnt have any of that. 

 

and bailey came by later too.  man she was acting crazy torwards the end of the night.  i had to get her a cab home because i had too much nip.  we invented some new games also.  the first game was called "marco polo".  The object of this game was to locate as many of the husbands polo shirts as we possibly can, and mark them as ours and noting that we found them.  and whoever has the most by the end of the party wins.  i won. 

 

actually Girl we also had a pool going as to what happened to you and the husband.  the guesses ranged from going to a spandeau balet concert, to visiting a frito lays factory, to renting a uhaul and going to the nearest catnip factory to bring us back more nip.  windex actually guessed that you went to...nevermind.  thats not important.  but yeah the point to this pointless blog is to prove a point to you girl...in the future you should have solved your problem by one of my recommended solutions.  if not...hey...a phone call would be nice.  but if youre stuck somewhere and cant get home i know that can mean party time for Manny.  Cheers and Regards.

 

-Mannicotti "crazy taxi" Biscotti esquire!

To The Girl and The Husband,

 

I have received your letter, and i have some concerns.  I believe your efforts were sincere to arrive back in time for new years, however, i believe there is more you could have done to arrive back on time.  Your story although unfortunate is a risk of flying.  Over the hollidays i was watching movies like Home Alone.  Now if you recall the mom in the movie found a someone at the airport who was willing to drive her home.  You should have done the same. 

 

It is unfortunate that the Northwest mechanical delay happened.  Maybe you should also ask them for compensation because THEY are the ones that cancelled due to mechanical failuer.  You mentioned that you were unable to find anyone from American Airlines when you went back.  Well here you could have done a couple of things.  You were probably still in the gate area and since it was already late and not many flights leaving it is no surprise nobody was around.  They won't staff people at empty desks or gates.  Did you call American?  Did you call K?...Im sure he could have called the super secret american airlines number and found out all the possibilities.  You need to utilize the people you have around you. 

 

The whole TSA thing i agree was pretty stupid.  Generally I think what they do is acceptable.  Hey if you want me to take my shoes off and everything to ensure an evil doer doesnt blow up my plane...thats fine by me.  However, i think in this case they did go overboard.

 

But it would have been nice if you rented a car or took a bus, or walked back home to hang with me.  But thats ok.  See after realizing you may not be back i decided to have a few cats over.  Actually a few ended up meaning about 110 by the end of the night.  Man that cat Bailey really knows how to party!   

 

And at this point to keep all of you in suspense...the party story will be continued...

why i was able to do nip and party like a rockstar without the girl and the husband for new years...

 

[can you just feel the anticipation?]

by now the girl and the husband should know not to laugh at me...especially after they try to dress me up with a rediculous bow!  oh and as promised for the husbands laughing i saught revenge.  and this was not a delayed revenge like i typically do.  this issue had to be taken care of and addressed immediately!  and as for the girl...yeah she helped me get the bow off.  but that does not do any good because she is the one that really humiliated me by putting the bow on in the first place.  to me thats like somebody saying...oh, let me throw mud on you for the next ten minutes...but ill help you clean some of it off when im done.  point is that it should have never happened in the first place.

 

ok back to the revenge story.  on this revengeful evening chicken happened to be on the menu, and that is one of the few human dishes that i will seek out.   The husband made the mistake of getting up to retrieve a  napkin and left his whole chicken dinner unattended...now that was a dumb move on his part!  i started out by hunkering over the husbands plate.   now if there was one thing on the face of this planet that i did not expect it was the girls reaction.  i was expecting to get a "mannnnnnyyyyy!...get down from there!"  but i was shocked...she did absolutely nothing.  she totally left the husband out to dry.  maybe i have gotten her to switch to my side. 

 

i just started out by sniffing it a little bit.  but as im doing all this it is all occuring to me.  now eating it would be bad, but is there anything worse that i can do?  oh you bet there is!  instead of eating it...i just LICKED IT all over!  the best part is i know the husband saw me.  so i let him watch me lick it for a few seconds, and then i just jumped down and left.  i swear the girl was even laughing and smirking at the husband with me.  oh this chicken revenge was great...i didng eat any out of choice, and he CANT eat any because of me!  heh! 

 

the girl knows where her allegiances should lie, shes not that stupid...i dont think...

i have a real lot to say...as usual...you shouldnt be that surprised.  i have so much to say i dont even know where to begin.  well the christmas tree and centerpiece are still in place and in perfect working order.  i need to throw curve balls to the world sometimes.  if there is one thing i am not...it is predictable.  i do the unexpected.  so in this event...the tree is happy and still fully intact.  my job right now is to find out what everyone got for christmas.  i fully inspect all wrapped gifts to figure these things out.  i love knowing what other people got eachother.  that way i can drop the most subtle hints so i can amuse myself...but nobody ever figures my hints out.

 

Rumor has it that grandmar almost got a new feline.  that would have been kind of cool, but then attention gets drawn away from me.  i cant allow that to happen.  girl and grandmar were at petco for me...to get me toys...and many toys they better be giving me.  grandmar getting a new cat is not a toy for manny.  ill have to scratch grandmar off my "run away to" list.  heh...just kidding i can never do that.  she didnt get the cat so no harm no foul...shes a smart human...

 

so i spent most of this weekend watching the girl and the husband bake.  it was like being a studio audience for the food network like with rachel ray or something.  lets see what can we name their show if they had one...ummmmm...uhhhhhhhh...ummmm..."soul kitchen" (cant go wrong with a doors song when you cant think of anything) oh wait or "groove kitchen" ok so my show ideas arent so good today.  but again with all this baking i think they neglected me.  they really didnt even notice i existed.  FINALLY they moved on to present wrapping.  atleast i can have some involvement in this.  swiping at ribbons, brushing up against boxes...you just cant beat it!

 

well by the time everything is said and done with i am practically the only thing that is not decorated.  which leads me to the next reason on why i am going to beat up the girl and the husband.  While i was sleeping the girl put a red bow on me...can you believe that?  A RED BOW!...on me!  i mean what is the girl thinking?  im not just some pet the girl can just decorate and prance around for her friends, for their own amusement.  this is worthy of some sort of revenge.  although i did look like some sort of james bond.  it was like i was attending a christmas party in prague undercover for the british secret service.  someone else may have their generic holiday party...but this was a christmas party if i ever saw one!  at this party i must save the world.  such an upscale event here, oh...and the female felines...i have never seen such beautiful felines!  the world is about to implode in 10 minutes unless i achieve my mission.  just as the evil doers are about to escape i capture them and just say in my really cool voice "the name is biscotti...mannicotti...biscotti!"  and i got them to tell me how to save the world.  ahh...of course!  i couldnt believe i didnt figure it out on my own.  i run over to the other side of the ballroom...and hidden iniside the giant chandelier i see the source of earths implosion.  its a giant red dot device!  it flashes the red dot on the wall and if the red dot hits the mirror on the wall the earth will be doomed.  the device is making a noise and a poof.  i leap up in the air and catch the red dot!  i did it!  success!  i save the world!  by catching the red dot the earth is saved.  as i leave i make sure to escort two lovely ladies out on each arm.  ohhhhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaa...and one of them happened to have catnip!  you can all thank me for saving your life.  some catnip is a pretty good thank you gift.

 

but then reality set in and the husband laughed.  well oh yeah...lets see how hard your laughing later husband.  maybe i will sabotage all of your polos. 

 

oh well...this christmas story will be continued. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Rules:

Each player of this game starts with the “6 weird things about you”. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

 

6 weird things about you:  in no particular order

1.  As many of you know cats like fish.  So a lot of times when i stare at the fish tank i think to myself how they would probably taste really good.  but sometimes i wonder...what if cats didnt eat fish, but the fish eat cats.  if the fish could eat me would they?  would i taste good?  what if i had gills instead of lungs?  i dunno sometimes it just makes you think...

2.  many days while the girl and the husband are at work i will dress up in the girl and the husbands clothing.  like i might wear the girls jeans and one of the husbands many polo shirts a pair of girls socks, and a pair of the husbands socks and i will have mock conversations with myself.  most times its a playful argument over whether i like the mets or the yankees better.  this is very fun because it can last for hours and hours.

3.  at night i sometimes run around the couch.  i usually pretend im in a nascar race and i am neck and neck with tony stewarts home depot number 20 car.  i pretend we are torwards the finish and just before the finish line i look over to him and hit him with a 2x4x10 (i pretend my tail is lumber) and that leads me to win the race. the fish totally watch and cheer for me...possibly wanting to eat me??? god what are they thinking about in there!!!

4.  i like to sing.  again while the husband and girl are at work ill take one of the husbands golf clubs and use it as a microphone.  i look so cool too as i look at myself in the decorative mirror/photo frame piece K gave them.  the only thing im missing is my joe elliot (def leppard's singer) mullet.  man i wish i had a mullet...those things are so cool.  i usually pretend im on american idol since im a better singer then almost everyone on the show.

5.  as i walk around the house i can only step on certain floor planks, tile squares, and areas of carpet.  my walking is very deliberate during those time periods.

6.  when i hang out with the girl and/or the husband i count the minutes of play so i can later bill them for my time.  the toy mouse, the fish on the string and other general toys get billed regular time.  the dot device because of frustration level gets billed as double time.  feeding and cleanliness of the litter box gets billed back as regular time per hour.  i currently have them billed at 439 hours of play.  now since im generous i will give them really good terms at 2% discount if they pay in the first 5 days.  and it will be net30.  oh i forgot to tell the girl and the husband that these terms started on november 1 because i needed to get paid in time to do christmas shopping.  so theyre currently 4 days past due. 

 

people i want to do this survey:

windex

the toy mice

girl and husband

bob errey

everyone

people between the ages of 252 months and 312 months from ocala florida.